Won a ticket today

Because this is my last year for my PhD, things have been very very very hectic for me. It's been so stressful that one night I just suddenly burst into tears. Lakay held me, while the boys just looked on. I was sorry to let them see me like that. But I think there's also value in letting them see that mum's human too.

I was extra mindful of de-briefing my eldest son on this, he who is so perceptive now. I explained to him that I was just tired and that crying doesn't make one a weak person. In fact, crying made mum even stronger after.

Today, while I was working, Bugey entered the study and played "quietly". He took some pens then started to doodle something down. Then he exclaimed while giving this note to me:

"Congratulations! You've just won a ticket - free break from work. Take a break now!"

Then he said, "I can't spell congratulations correctly, mum." Hmm. It's amusing that he was aware it was wrong when he didn't even  know the spelling. But apart from that, there's something about the way kids write in this misspelled way that I love so much. I think it's how it shows their pureness and spontaneity, writing words as they hear it from their lips.

I'd treasure it this way -- messy and unevenly written by the hands of the sweetest, most intuitive and understanding boy in the world. Thanks Kuya. Will keep getting back to this every break time. 

Those days

You know how they go. You walk into a bus full of people (especially known for smile deficiency) and you wish you had better days. Off the bus and to the people in the street, you meet those you would've wanted to see on another day, but no.  There they are, radiating those negative energies at you and you just feel the churn in your guts. And then you walk into an office to inquire about your refunds, and you get this reprimanding tone on why you haven't learned the language of the place after all these years. You wonder what you did wrong that day and why you feel the whole world seems to hate you.

But then when you come home, you hear the voice of a boy who breathes of love.  All that he's said so far is "Mum?" but that's enough to replant your feet on the ground. That voice is calling at you, asking you to keep it together. The door opens and he welcomes you with a big bear hug.

You close the door, lock it from the world of indifference outside. You take a few steps and then there's this other, smaller voice, blurting soft whimpers while flailing arms and legs. You can sense how happy he is to see you, to smell the scent of your presence. You take him up and indulge him with his milk. He pauses in between suckling, looks up to you, and gives you that pure smile.

And then it hits you. Life can be unbearable sometimes as if to scatter your whole being into the sea of indifference. And then there's that loving gaze that looks at you, telling you that you matter. You then know that you have to gather yourself again.

Four months in a nutshell

Been very quiet for a long while, I know. That's because I've been nesting and waiting for the coming of a new angel in the house. I have to say, though,  that the big brother to-be was more impatient than I was. 

And so it all happened on Easter night.  We tried to stay calm and poised while waiting for the cab and the friends who'd take over Bugey for us.  He, however, was all over the place, pretending to be normal, but too high-pitched for his own good. "Relax mum, breathe in and out. Count 1 to 10."

At the lift, he sent us off saying "I love you mummy. I love you. I miss you already." 

Our new angel was born half-past midnight, much too fast, according to the doctors and midwives. It was  a foretaste of how fast our lives would be changed after that. Without meaning to exaggerate, our new angel has turned things around overnight -- our sleeping hours, the volume of our voices,  and yes, our blog's title.

Welcome to the world, our baby Boo. Here's to more blogging in the next days!  

Flower couple

I'm still on with the apartment-coloring. I said last time that I would be hunting for bright and patterned throw pillows. But gash! Never thought it would be so expensive. Cheapest I found was 15 Euros for 1, and it's just blah-blah.  Then it hit me. Why spend so much on unjustly priced living room accessories when I could just walk in our favorite flower shop for fresh and living colors? So off to the shop I went,  and walked out with two simple lovelies:

3 Hyacinths which the shop owner graciously planted on a wooden pot for me

and one Gerbera 

There's a cute funny story about the owners of what Lakay and I have long ago declared as our official flower shop. Both of us have bought from this shop separately.

playing on the walls

No major traveling this time for the family this Christmas break. Instead, we spent most of the holidays for play time in the house. And I mean not just for the little one but for mum and dad, too.  Lakay settled in with his PS3 and NBA 2K11,  my bugey with his new toys, and I with the blank walls in our apartment that are in dire need of coloring.  Because it was snowing outside, and that I found it more fun and challenging to use materials that I already have, I can proudly say that I did not shell out a single penny on these.

Here's what I accomplished so far:

Enter the world of Narnia

Reading time has been my most sacred bonding moment with my son (by that I mean since the time he was this little one snuggled up in my womb).

Recently, I decided to take our reading to another level, which means longer stories with lesser pictures.  And of course for this I must start with no other than  my all-time favorite book series, The Chronicles of Narnia. 

I learned about this series (rather late)  through a good colleague of mine in Ateneo. It's a classic for children. And, I must argue, for adults too. (That colleague of mine said that he reads the series almost every year!) 

Now, considering that this was really a far step ahead from Dr. Seuss, Clifford and Winnie the Pooh, I expected that the little lad would be bored and restless in the beginning. So I first gave him a "summary" of the story (with emphasis on the magic, the wickedness of the White Witch, and the power of Aslan). And thinking that that wasn't enough, I promised him that we will watch the movie version as soon as we finish one book.

It worked. This week, we started reading every night at least one chapter  of book 2, The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe. My boy is so hooked, he can't wait to get to the part where Aslan comes in. At every end of the chapter, he would run to his dad to report on the story. (A good sign he is following -- which I'd doubt sometimes because of all the moving and singing while I read). He 's so into it, he's had The Silver Chair and The Voyage of the Dawn Treader lined up for the next weeks.  My oh my, he even told me tonight that he doesn't want to see the movie yet until we finish reading all the other books. 

I'm so happy. My boy has entered a whole new world of adventure. I know it's just a matter of time before we start reading Harry Potter and The Lord of the Rings. 

To Narnia! (And beyond!) 

E goes home to Ecuador

The moment I've been dreading has come. E's father has finished his PhD and the whole family is now on their way home to Ecuador. How's my little one taking it? I don't really know. Sometimes I think I'm the one who's taking it too hard. Or is it so? 

When I told him last month that E will not be attending K-3 class anymore, he just asked why, took my answer coolly, and asked for more milk. I thought that was it. That's how pre-school aged kids are with friendship. Then we run into E and his family a few days later, and E instantly gave him a hug. We parents just looked at each other with our adult don't-take-them-too-seriously smiles (shame on us!). 

Between these two, E is the more expressive one. He always shows his affection unabashedly to my little one. My son is a bit different (hello! I think by now, that's an understatement). Sometimes, especially with the things that really matter a lot, he can be very subtle with his reactions. You'd think nothing happened to him, until small signs give you a peek of what's really going on inside.

One night my little one and I were playing the "I like" game (where you complete the sentence with the funniest thing that comes to mind). "I like tickles...I like stinky feet...I like kulahngot..." And then out of the blue, the little one said, "I like to go to Ecuador one day so I can visit E." ... 

Last Sunday afternoon, he was working like a bee, asking for sticky tape, scissors, more sticky tape, sharper pencils; until curiosity got the better of me and I asked what he was making -- he said, " A "watch" for E."  ...

Tonight, at prayer time, I asked him to pray for the usual people - mom, dad, him, lolo, lola... Then he added,"And E, mum, let's pray for him."  ... After that, he blew E a good night kiss. ...

We went to their apartment two days ago to say goodbye. E's parents let him come over to our place to let them play together for one last time. The play time ended just like the way it did in the past. E's dad would come pick him up, say thank you, and that was that. Yet, that night, I wondered,  if these two kids understood that that was the last time they would ever play again. ...

Maybe I'm just making a lot of drama out of this. The burden of being the adult in the scene, of being the one who's had her own share of goodbyes, is that she feels the weight of that moment. 

Still I'm happy that my little one has learned to cherish a friend at such a young age. And thanks to photography, he will have memories of this friendship to return to.

Kermis

Watching my little one enjoy the Kermis (carnival) in Leuven today was such a pleasure. The weather was fine and I had just recovered from a flu-like thing this week.

My little one was hyper today, especially because he had friends who tagged along. It was his first time to take a real ride. Not that we didn't let him before, but he just wasn't into it. Today was different. He was braver, I guess. And I just took a step back and watched him take it all in. Such pure happiness.

I took this shot while the mini ferry's wheel was turning. As you can see, his smile here is in between excitement and fear (I think the wheel has turned about 3 times at this time). What I like about this shot is that it captured his struggle -- and the show of teeth and waving of the hand indicates that joy has won over fear.

This sounds cliche, I know, but still I'd like to say that watching children so happy like this is happiness enough.

kwan ni jun lana

It's a bit obvious by now that I love to laugh. Uncontrollably, and without regard for dignity.

When I came across Jun Lana's blog recently, I realized how much I miss Filipino gay humor - sarcastic yet somehow strangely filled with love.
Allan K is one of those few gays who can make people laugh without hurting others. Hence he makes fun of himself mostly (Perhaps only people with hangups close to none can really do that).

Now Lana's blog is one of the better things that happened to me this week. It sent me rolling over, at the risk of making the people next door intrigued with this laughing lunatic, midnight at that.

But I can't help it. Lana does it so well. He's one writer who can keep you entertained, does not make you feel intimidated, and yet can capture Filipino sensibilities from the grassroots. I guess it comes with all the talent of being screenwriter, director and producer of some films and tv shows at home.

I love his blog. I wish he had more time to update it, though.

that trip to amsterdam

I'll be direct. I didn't like Amsterdam that much. Not even close to wanting to go back again. Maybe it was the bad timing. Or maybe it was just the personality of the city (too hip, perhaps?). The fact that getting there and getting back home took 4-5 hours more than we expected didn't help either. To top it all, we were jinxed on our way home. ( Somebody threw himself on the rail track in front of a train we were suppose to be on. gyaaaaaaaah the goose bumps!)

But I did enjoy the TRIP. To start with it marked a first for me and my family- first time to go on a trip here in Europe with no one else but us. This meant I had no geeky sister to rely on for her booking skills, and no ever-graciously endowing mother to finance half of our expenses. :) Since I was the one who wanted an escape from Leuven so badly, I took the liberty to put everything in my hands. I studied this trip well, so much that Lakay was, hands down, impressed. I planned the itinerary, tried to make it all fit in on our super minimal budget, and made sure that all places we'd visit had something of interest with the brainy kid we had. I even tried to understand maps (nosebleed!).

Yet, I think I studied it too much, hence the high expectations that weren't met. Amsterdam was just too crowded for me. There were too many constructions and repairs going on and it was just unforgivably hot! Lakay also didn't find much scenic areas to photograph. A lot of the people we encountered were tired and not so kind (could it be the canabis?hihihi). Most of the food we ate was crappy (sorry, I very rarely say this!)

One redeeming point was the hotel. I booked Hotel Casa 400 at about 64 Euros per night. But we got service and accommodation that would equal the expensive ones we've experienced in the Philippines. Though it was a bit hard to find, they did make a conscious effort to make us feel welcome (a welcome note on the flat screen tv in our room; calling me by my first name when they answer my service calls). :) I'd give the hotel my two thumbs up.

Another redeeming point was the Sale (sandals and sneakers for the little one, shirts for Lakay, and a Desigual skirt for me :)

Then the visit to the museums. I liked Van Gogh Museum the most, but we were slightly disappointed not to find his "Rest from Work" and his "Starry Night."

What truly saved those three days from going down the annals of disappointment was the fun we shared as a bonding happy trio. The little one stayed charming and witty all throughout those long hot walks and train delays. I especially loved teamwork with Lakay. I enjoyed the way we were all so game about this sort of "boy scout camping" we did in this expensive city (someday I will write about the creative ways on how we tried to make ends meet).

L-R: the little one's shot of mum and dad, outside the Nemo Science Center, the welcome note from the hotel with my name on the screen, Lakay in Museumplein, the two boys near the central station, mummy and daddy in the little one's eyes, two boys enjoying the boat ride, wading at the rooftop of Nemo science center, at the train station again

I remember one of the lessons taught by my friend N whom I wrote about earlier here. N says: When going to trips, it's the company, not the place, that matters more.

With this in mind, I'd say that the trip to Amsterdam still gave me the break that I've longed for. My expectations built up by those travel websites may not have been met. But now I'm just so glad that those sites cannot write about everything you can expect. For if they do, then you might miss out on the most surprising part of the travel you'll one day treasure most -- the hands you held as you strolled along.

I, the little one, Lakay and a hundred reflections of us

taken in the Kaleidoscope, Nemo Science Center

Amsterdam

cover boy

surprised to see my handsome's little face on the cover of his summer school brochure

Honestly, I don't really think much about what my son would be when he grows up (promise!). Sure, I make jokes about him becoming the first Filipino Pope. But really, I just want him to be what he will love to be. But if fame and stardom are written in his stars, what is a mother to do? hihihihihi

huwatt???

I can't stop laughing!

So I've been incessantly referred to as "Juday" by my family since the days of her Mara-Clara fame. Back then, this queen of Filipino soap opera had thicker eyebrows (like me) and full cheeks (like me) and cried a lot (yeez, yhezzz, like me!)

Then I stopped complaining after a while. Besides, who wouldn't want to be likened to a superstar who happens to be a multi-millionaire.

Now, just recently, I've been hearing people say that Lakay looks like no other than Juday's husband, Ryan Agoncillo.

FYI: Lakay really didn't want me to write a post on this, worried that I might send the wrong message that he actually thinks he looks like the man! So can I just please underscore here that the reason why I am writing this is not out of self-flattery. I'm just freakin' flabbergasted!

Fine, call it pure coincidence.

Tonight, I finally got around to watching video streams about their much-admired wedding, which I myself found approving for its simplicity and sincerity (at least in that regard, I would say we are in the same wavelength).

And then I came across an interview with Ryan about preparing for parenthood. The couple are currently expecting a boy.

Then to my shock, the name "Yohan" was mentioned!

As it turns out, Juday has an adopted girl named Yohan, whom the couple now consider to be their first child.

Now, tell me: pure coincidence?!

Whatever explanation this has, I'm pretty sure, Lakay and I were first in everything!!! I'm actually starting to consider that Juday might be the one following my life! hahahahahaha

April 2010

I thought monthly roundups done in some blogs can be really helpful. So here, I'd like to start a review of my little one's adventures for the month.

This April my little one

For the first time: went to a spring play school in Vleugel-F. It's a play school organized by the youth council of the city. Was surprised to see him enjoy the whole two weeks of his spring break. Didn't really expect that after the trauma of his summer school. 'Tis a clear sign he's growing up!

Created: Treasure maps:

the dim-witted adults couldn't understand this complex map

so the cartographist ended up explaining.

Read on his own:

Dr. Seuss I can Read with my Eyes Shut

Was read:

Winnie the Pooh by AA Milne chapters 1-3

Rhymes round the world

Clifford Visits the Hospital

Not included are the books in Dutch which Lakay read to him on other nights. (Find it hard to type the difficultly spelled titles. Will do next month-promise!)

Played: Google maps and Trudy's Time and Place house

Favorite Toy: the belts of his mom and dad's robes. He uses them for pretend fishing rods

Favorite song: Do You Hear the People Sing from Les Miserables (with matching march for choreography and own invented lyrics: Do you hear the people sing, singing the autumn of the cross !?#*)

Milestone achievements: can do simple math: adding by using fingers and card strips for counting; mastered the different months of the calendar and their corresponding numerical (he forced this upon himself so he could understand the expiry dates of products on our table

New fetish: finding different countries in the map of the world and asking me to google the flag for each country he fancies; looking for the expiry dates in all products served on the table, and decoding them for us (We almost ate bread that was expired, if not for his conscientiousness.)

I swear I did not teach him any of these!

I noticed that most of the above cater to the enlargement of his already expansive mind. So for the next coming months, I'll have to plot out motor-developing activities with my partner in crime. Hopefully, the little master would take it up, too.

Not your typical mother's day gifts

Got these treats from our trip to Trier this weekend. Didn’t really plan on spending on shopping except for the ever common souvenir fridge magnets. But I just had to buy a mug from the Karl Marx museum. After all, his seminal thoughts continue to reverberate in the thinkers I am reading on today. And I’d like to think that his critique of capitalism is a thick thorn that sticks on my flesh, and creates the unwarranted need of having to justify all unnecessary purchases (including this one!).

And I also had to buy this Zwilling little knife (only 6,95 Euros, mind you!) I remember those days when I’d pass their stores in the Podium and in Mega Mall, and salivate over their sharp tweezers and nail cutters. And even if I knew that their cutlery was too much for me to even dream of, I’ve had that silent wish of getting one for our wedding. So here I am with this itsy bitsy tiny knife, and all of my being is rejoicing. There’s just something about precision in tools that aid a woman’s everyday life.

If this second purchase is doing a disgrace to Marx’s cause, I’m sure his mother and wife will understand me. Hey, it’s Mother’s day! Cut me some slack!

Easter in Flanders 2010

Today, our first Belgian friends Y and J invited us to Okselaar for an experience of the Flemish Easter. And because it marked another first for the happy trio, somebody's got to document (and that basically means super eager me).

We took an early train so we could catch the Sunday morning mass. It was a rainy Spring morning. The little one's feet were itching for adventure.

We arrived early in Zichem and waited a few minutes for Y to show up. There was not a soul in sight. Rather than find this eerie, Lakay and I have grown comfy with it.

After mass, the children were gathered in the nearby forest to wait for the legendary Easter Bunny. He showed up...

and from Bunny's basket flew the scrambled-for chocolate eggs.

My little one was alien to the whole thing. Dear Y picked eggs for him while he just went on staring. Poor boy.

Then the crowd was led to the forest to hunt for the bigger chocolate eggs. Easter Bunny found favor on my little one and followed him around with his basket.

Ok, ok, we know the guy!

Then came coffee and drinks. Lovely of course!

There are two things the ever-reflective me took note of in this experience. One, that the Flemish Easter celebration is similar to its Filipino counterpart (except that in Pinas, we hunt for the real eggs). Two, it felt good to know that despite the high display of secularism in this country, there's still a good number of those who share in and celebrate with our faith.

Thanks Y and J! We had a great time. Happy Easter everyone!

chicken or egg question

Told my sister over skype today that I couldn't sleep lately. She said that I'm just stressed out and that my body is reacting badly.

Question is could it be the other way around? Could there be something wrong with my body that's making me vulnerable to stress?

When a doctor says that I've got a hormonal imbalance due to stress, can he not also say that I am stressed because of the imbalance?

Or am I over analyzing this again? Am I just adding more stress by thinking about it?

Ok. I'll stop. And try to get some sleep.

Our first autumn together

Today the happy trio took a walk in the woods.

It was the little one's first taste of autumn.

And lakay's too.

We missed taking the pictures of Autumn's glorious days of fiery red, orange, yellow (the two boys were down with the flu).

But we were still greeted by beautiful sites like these: (lakay's shots)

Trees are a paradigm of real beauty. They are beautiful in their lush and flourishing days of green. Beautiful still in days when they are rendered bare.




Autumn is a beautiful season. Painfully beautiful, I must say.

Leaves (like stars) are at their brightest when they are about to die.